Fire and Ice
by Just A Realistic Dreamer
Summary: A trainig session between Lavi and Kanda takes an unusual turn when they talk about their insecurities... and about their feelings for a certain exorcist. Series of unrelated oneshots, mostly friendship fics KandaLena, LaviLena
1. Chapter 1

_Don't mind the title, I just didn't have any idea XD_

**Fire and Ice **

Kanda jumped back to avoid being crushed by the giant hammer that crashed to the ground where he had stood a moment ago, scoffing. How the hell was he supposed to predict where the damn thing was going to land?! It had been a while since he had had an opening and he could do nothing but try to avoid getting reduced to a bloody pulp.

Lavi was quite enjoying himself. His friend was disadvantaged and couldn't reach him. He wasn't reckless enough to try to stop Tessei either, having seen the hammer's destructive power at work before. However, time passed without either of them having the advantage and his arms felt heavier by the minute. Just how long had they been fighting, anyway? He glanced up, searching for the sun's position.

A moment of distraction was enough to give the other the occasion he was waiting for: before the Bookman apprentice could blink, a cold blade was against his neck.

"You win."

A smirk appeared on the Japanese man's face as the other let himself fall to the ground, panting. He sheathed Mugen and leaned against a tree, wiping the sweat off his forehead.

"Whoa. What a fight! We've done quite a bit of damage, though… Komui won't be happy with us."

His cheerful tone oddly contrasted with his words. The forest around them was in a pitiful state: in some places, the ground was sunk and many of the trees bore huge gashes, when they weren't sliced in two.

"Che. It was your idea. You take the blame."

"I expected nothing less of Yuu."

"Don't call me that!"

The younger boy received a cold glare and seemed to shrink but after a while, a comfortable silence installed itself between the two of them. Kanda's grey eyes were closed and Lavi stared at the sky, thoughtful.

"Hey, Yuu?"

"Don't call me that. What do you want?"

"Do you think the others will remember us when we're gone?"

The exorcist cracked an eye open to stare at his comrade, suspicious and wondering if it was Lavi's idea of a joke. Seeing him serious was rare and, usually, not a good sign. It wasn't like he gave a damn about what people thought of him.

"It's none of my business. And I won't die yet. Neither will you."

The other sighed at his friend's last comment. No, he wouldn't die. Not if he could help it, anyways. Unless he did something really stupid again. Like setting himself on fire (he wondered when he'd hear the end of that one… Oh well, it had worked, hadn't it?). But someday, when he wasn't needed anymore, "Lavi" would disappear and he'd become someone else. For a moment, he wondered what kind of person his 50th alias would be… Would he fake his death? Or just leave one day and never come back to the headquarters the exorcists affectionately called "Home"? He didn't know which option was worse, but something told him that his friends would kill him for good if they ever found out he was alive. Well, not him, but his body anyways. Shivering, he redirected his thoughts to the conversation. Sort of. It was pretty much impossible to have a real conversation with Kanda. He frowned when a detail from the other's answer struck him. The "I won't die" reply was a typical Yuu thing to say, but where did the yet come from?

"Yet? How many petals are there left?"

Kanda didn't answer, visualising the hourglass that contained his lifeline behind his closed eyelids. How many _were _there left? It had been a while since he had dared to count them. He clenched his fists, ignoring the fact that his actions wouldn't go unnoticed by the sharp green eye. Would he ever get used to his curse? Without it, he probably wouldn't have survived that long, but depending on a flower wasn't something his ego took well.

"Why do you care?"

"_Because you're my best friend" _or "_because it's my job"_, would have been the truth, but none seemed to fit. The first one would probably have caused him severe injuries, and the second wasn't something Lavi would say. None of his forty-eight previous personalities would have minded, but that one did. And so he stayed silent, letting the silence claim its place once again.

"What about Lenalee?"

The cold eyes flickered for a moment before settling themselves on the bookman apprentice, guarded.

"What about her?"

"I'm sure she'll miss you. You've practically grown up together, right? You were the only one around her age when you first came to the order. And she loves everyone, no matter how _antisocial_ they are."

"Che. She's a strong woman, she'll get over it."

Lavi doubted it was true. In the last two years, he had spent so much time with the young Chinese exorcist that he had slowly begun to understand her conception of the world. Her world was composed of the members of the Black Order. Of all the Finders, exorcists, scientists and all the people she had met within the headquarters or in missions. In it, some persons were more important, like bigger pieces of a puzzle, and he supposed Kanda was one of them. So she wouldn't take his disappearance well. Or his own, for that matter.

"Do you think Allen will be able to protect her for us? I mean, he wouldn't let anything happen to her, right?"

He thought he heard something like a muttered _he'd better not_, but it could have been his imagination. Their affection for Lenalee was one of the main things that held their unorthodox friendship together. They both would have given anything to protect her, because she was everything they weren't. Because she could care and love freely, cry and laugh when she felt like it.

Kanda couldn't help wondering who she would run to when she was frightened when he wasn't there anymore. Who would listen to her fears without judging her, and comfort her in silence? Who would fight off everything that threatened her?

Lavi remembered the times he had supported the girl when her legs failed to do so, the times when he had held her while she was unconscious, the moments when he had forced her to see the truth she didn't want to believe.

They both had their place in her world, even though it was maybe a smaller one than Allen's or Komui's, and she would miss them, even if, in their eyes, they didn't deserve it.

"Yuu?"

"What?"

The red-haired exorcist smiled, because no death threat came with the reply.

"You like her too, don't you?"

A long silence followed his words, and the other feigned not having heard him. He grinned; his green eye had caught the faintest hint of a blush on the stoic young man's cheeks.

"Let's get back inside. I'm hungry"

Lavi was startled when a pale hand suddenly appeared under his nose and stared at the other in surprise, cautious. He hesitated for a moment before letting the other help him up, knowing it was more than a simple gesture. It was a promise. A promise that they would live another day for the girl they both loved. And maybe for each other, too. Because they cared far more than they should have, or ever would have admitted.

_...That's it. _

_It's my first D.Gray-man fic... And it's harder than I thought Oo_

_These pairings (and frienship fics) need more love! _

_Oh well, hope you liked it, and that they aren't too out of character._ _Maybe I'll make a series of oneshots, as I have a few similar ideas. Does anyone think I should?_

_Uh... I was going to write something else, but I forgot..._

**_Please, please, please review?_**


	2. Home

_Thanks to all those who reviewed, favorited, put on alert... Or just took the time to read my story. Really, I was so happy when I checked my emails to see that there were about 10 from :)_

_This one is pretty short, and in Lenalee's POV, so I hope she's in character since its the first time I try to write about her. _

**Home**

The dawn wouldn't break before a few hours, and cold wind rustled the leaves as the icy rain fell. Still, she waited. Hidden beneath an umbrella and holding a lantern, she searched the horizon with her tired eyes, waiting for them. They would come. They always did.

She shivered but remained still, refusing to go warm herself inside, even for a few moments. She would be there when they came back. She would smile and watch his green eye light up when he recognized her. She would fuss and scold them for being careless again, and maybe the other would smirk.

Her eyes closed, and she remembered: sometimes, when Lavi was on a mission with Bookman, she would drag Kanda along to wait for him to come back. He'd frown and scoff, but never protested. The cheerful red-haired exorcist was easier to convince: he'd gladly keep her company, chattering endlessly for hours. Talking about places and people he had seen.

When it was her who came home, there would only be her brother waiting at the gates (… and sometimes there were a few scientists too, who were trying to force him back into his office). However, she would always meet Kanda coming back from training, or Lavi would mysteriously appear in her room to hide from someone.

They both had their ways to make sure she was safe, even though they were more discreet about it, and she didn't mind. They had their reasons. Whether it was pride or obligation, she didn't know, or care.

Her eyes snapped open. She could faintly see two silhouettes emerging from the darkness, so easy to recognize despite the weather. She could have sworn she already heard them bickering.

As they came closer, she noticed their drenched state, Lavi's slight limp, and the bandages they wore… It worried her. Shouldn't it have been an ordinary exterminating mission? Were they badly hurt?

They assured her that they were fine, that it was really nothing but a few scratches, already half healed in the Japanese young man's case.

She led them inside, passing the guards in silence. The Black Order was still asleep, and no one but a few half-dead members of the science department were there to see them as they made their way into the empty cafeteria.

She served coffee and green tea, listening, laughing at Lavi's complains about everything and nothing, getting annoyed at Kanda because of his uncaring treatment of the Finders. She should have been sound asleep in her bed, resting before her next mission, but how could she give up these precious and rare moments when all three of them could be together? Soon enough, Lavi would disappear into the library for a few days to catch up with his work, Kanda would go back to his usual _train-eat soba-sleep-meditate_ routine. And she'd be on a train in a few hours, off to a foreign country to save people she didn't really know or care about.

The sun was up when they finally left each other in the corridor leading to their rooms. She hadn't wanted to leave them, not knowing when, or if, they would meet again, but, as Lavi had pointed out, she was about to fall asleep on her feet. She felt slightly guilty about keeping her comrades up, knowing how exhausted they were, too.

She tossed and turned in her small bed, unable to find sleep, wondering what it was that troubled her. She found herself whishing that she could invade Kanda's room like she used to when they were children, like Lavi still did sometimes.

And then, it hit her. She frowned, annoyed at herself. How could she have _forgotten_? There was no one to hear her, but she still whispered into the darkness:

"Welcome Home"

_Thanks again for reading!_

_... And if you have a little more time to spare, please review? _


	3. Nightmares

_Thanks for the review!_

_This one's more LaviLena, but Kanda makes a brief appearance… _

_My first try at writing in the present tense, too… Hope it isn't too weird._

**Nightmares**

He's dreaming. He must be. Because there's no way he's back into the ark, is there? Because he can't be stabbed by the ones he cares the most for again, right? He struggles to wake up, to avoid reliving that day when he so nearly lost himself…

His eye finally opens. Breathing deeply in an attempt to calm his erratic heartbeat, he stretches to grab the book he had been reading before he fell asleep. He sighs. Another nightmare… Peaceful nights are rare.

_Ink doesn't speak to the writer_

He shivers. Here, there's nothing but volumes and notebooks. The only reminders that a human being lives in the room are the single bed and the few clothes scattered everywhere. The ink stains on his quilt look like dark dried blood, he notices.

The dusty atmosphere smothers him, and he slides out of his bed, stumbling to the small window. The cold air of the night does little to appease him, and he feels the overwhelming need to get out of the room but hesitates in the doorway, not knowing where to go. He knows he won't be able to stand the sight of the library, his usual haven and wonders a moment about his other option, Kanda's room, but the other Exorcist is on a mission somewhere halfway across the world and, although he easily could have picked the lock, he isn't sure that spending what's left of the night staring at the eerie lotus is a good idea…

Next thing he knows, he's wandering aimlessly in the corridors, up and down the stairs, trying to focus on dates of long forgotten battles, mentally reciting lists of king and queens, making his photographic memory remember the tiniest details about a well known painting… Anything to distract himself.

Time passes slowly, and he's startled to notice that his feet have brought him before a door he recognizes even in the darkness, despite its similarity to all the others. The scratches on the paint and the rusted spots on the handle are enough. The door is pushed open before he can really think about it, and he takes a step inside. He remembers the room, as it isn't the first time he comes, but it somehow feels different in the darkness.

He can't help being amazed by her peaceful expression. He's seen her asleep before, of course, but never in her own bed. She's at home, here, and feels protected. The unlocked door is a proof of that (not that a closed door would have done much against the kind of enemies they have). He watches for a while, committing the scene to his memory, but soon her still form brings back memories he would have given much to forget.

_Am I…Still in this world?_

He cringes and steps back, closing the door gingerly, careful not to wake her. 

He goes back to his endless pacing, but ends up stopping beside a window, staring outside without really seeing.

_Lavi…_

_There's no way you have a place to return to, is there?_

No matter how much time passed, the memories didn't fade. They never would, for all he knew. So much for having an amazing memory… The sea of coffins and the distorted voices of those he cared for would haunt him all his life.

_Lavi…_

_**Wasn't it easier when you didn't feel anything? **_

He has to agree with Junior, there. His life used to be far less complicated before friendship biased his formerly impartial mind. Before he met the workaholic team of scientists, the reckless Exorcists and the devoted Finders. Before he met the antisocial Yuu, the caring Lenalee, the kind Allen…

…..

"Lavi?"

He doesn't turn when she calls his name, expecting another memory to start haunting him. What would it be this time? He can only pray he won't hear her ask him if she's still alive. He's tired of hearing that one, of seeing her pained yet relieved expression again and again.

He cried for the first time in more than a decade, that day…

A warm hand on his shoulder startles him, makes him snap out of his daydream. Is he crazy enough now that he'll actually feel his hallucinations touch him?

"Lavi? What's wrong?"

No. He's back to realty.

He stifles a sigh of relief and puts on a sheepish smile. He doesn't like the hint of worry in her purple eyes, but seeing her alive and well, although half asleep, reassures him, dissipates what was left of his nightmare, of his dark thoughts.

"Ah, Lenalee… Sorry, I was daydreaming."

She doesn't seem convinced, but doesn't question him further, playing with her slowly lengthening hair. Something bothers her, he noticed instantly, but he doesn't dare to ask what. She rarely confides in him anyway.

"What are you doing here?"_ You seemed in a deep sleep earlier. What disturbed you?_

All of her previous calm has disappeared, and she seems anxious. Maybe she doesn't feel as safe as he thought.

Obviously, he can't quite tell her he has been in her room. Or why. She never knew much about him, either. He never told her what happened within Road's "game", what nearly destroyed him. So many things happened since…

"I couldn't sleep"

"Me neither."

A lie for a lie. Or no, not really lies. More like half truths. He could have questioned her until she talked, but it wouldn't have been fair. He envies Yuu sometimes, because she always talks to him about whatever's on her mind, even if, most the time, he doesn't give a damn about it.

She says it's because he never judges her.

..How ironic.

Who's supposed to be the recorder of hidden history? The impartial bystander?

Instead of insisting, of talking her into confiding whatever it is that bothers her, he grins that fake smile she never sees through.

"Looks like we both have sleeping issues… I guess you'll have to keep me company then."

She replies by a timid smile, but seems more at ease.

"Um... Do you want to go to the lounge? I don't really feel like getting back…"

He hastily agrees to her proposition, grateful for the opportunity to spend some time with her. When was the last time he had had a real conversation with her, more than a simple greeting in the hallway or in the cafeteria? They're both so busy since the move to the new Headquarters…

He follows her into the empty corridors, watching her gracious steps with his only eye. Once or twice, she walks slower, almost touching him, as if afraid of whatever she sees in the darkness.

He could have sworn he hears a soft sigh escaping her lips when he turns on one of the small lamps and let himself fall on a couch. Her eyes are still watching the shadows and she sits closer to him than she usually would have dared to. He wants to hold her, to ask what's wrong, but he can't. So he does what he knows best: he tells her stories.

Stories about the wonderful and sometimes weird things he's seen. About the craziest emperors from countries she's never heard of, about anything that comes to mind. Anything that makes her smile, laugh, stare at him in disbelief or in disapproval… Anything that isn't painful or scary.

And now he's grateful for his memory, because he's never paid much attention to all these stories before. Never cared because it wasn't something that needed to be recorded. Sure, there were times when they were useful to pass time during long train rides, but it wasn't much. But soon he finds himself laughing with her, satisfied to see her worry slowly fade.

…

"Lavi."

The familiar voice makes him stiffen, and he doesn't dare to open his eyes. Another nightmare?

"Oi! Baka Usagi!"

The tone is sharper and clearly annoyed now, but still quiet. Why? And what's that weigh on his shoulder? His green eye cracks open and it takes a while to his sleepy brain to process the situation.

Kanda's in front of him, arms crossed over his chest, and an _I-just-came-back-from-a-mission-and-I'm-in-a-bad-mood_ expression. _Great. _Dealing with a pissed off Yuu first thing in the morning is hazardous, he knows from experience.

"Why did you wake me?… Sun's not even up yet… And aren't you supposed to be… Somewhere? "

He's rewarded by an incredulous look, as if the other is debating whether he's just a complete moron or if he's making fun of him. His eyes dart to whatever's against the Bookman apprentice's left side, and Lavi follows the Japanese's gaze.

"Oh."

Scoffing, the other turns and leaves, probably on his way to take his usual breakfast. Lavi barely notices it, his attention focused on the girl that's sound asleep on his shoulder. Last night's still a blur in his memory, but he slowly recalls their discussion, their meeting… his nightmare… Although it's still early, the night's oppressive atmosphere is gone, and his fears seem unjustified. A warm smile appears on his face, and he's pretty sure it's a real one.

He thinks about staying there until she wakes up, and wishes he could. But he isn't ready to face the consequences if they're discovered by his mentor (or her brother), and the rumours travel fast in the Order.

He can't really take her back to her room either, because at this hour the corridors aren't as deserted as they were. And disturbing her sleep is not an option. So he slides carefully from under her and places her in a more comfortable position. She moves a bit and mumbles incoherent things, but stays asleep. He snatches a forgotten blanket from another seat and covers her with it.

He wonders what she'll think about it when she notices as he makes his way back to his room. He estimates he's got about three hours of sleep left before he has to get up again. It isn't much, but it's better than nothing.

His book-covered floor doesn't seem as threatening as before, so he takes a piece of paper and a bottle of ink from his drawers and swiftly writes _Thank Yuu _on it before he slides the message under his friend's door.

The bad pun will probably cause him severe injuries (if the other catches him), but it's the best distraction he can think of, and he truly does owe some thanks to the other Exorcist. It wouldn't have been a good thing for either him or Lenalee if someone else had seen them. And even Bookman can't reproach him to hide when Kanda's in his killer mode, so maybe he'll be able to stay away from the library for the day. And to stick to Lenalee too, because everyone knows she's the only one who can handle an angry Kanda.

He falls asleep with an amused smile on his lips.

… _Lame ending, I know ¬¬ ._

_Thanks for reading! _

_Please, please, please review? It really makes me happy…_

_Oh, and if anyone has a request, I could try… _


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